Please turn in your Bibles this morning to I Peter chapter 3 as we look at THE DEMISE OF THE FAMILY or what we can do to prevent families from falling apart.  Obviously this is an important subject not only for those that don’t know the Lord, but also for Christians.  You see, Christians are struggling in marriage, in relationships, with their family just as much as those that don’t know the Lord and folks, that should not be!

            Then why does it happen or why is it happening?  Because we are allowing the enemies of our faith; the world, the flesh and the Devil to influence us instead of being influenced by God!  We see all kinds of problems because we are self-centered, our hearts become hard, we refuse to obey God and we listen to the lies of this world, the lies of the flesh and the lies of the Devil!

            Now, in saying that, this study is not to put you down or beat you up but to lift you up and point you back to the One who can truly help, the Lord.  And let me say this, with the number of people here this morning, I am sure some of you are struggling in your marriage relationship, with your children to some degree. For those of you who aren’t, learn the lessons so you stay on track. And for those of you who are not married, learn the lessons that you can apply maybe down the road and it is important to understand what God desires in the family unit because we are all part of a family.

            Now before we get to our text this morning, listen to this article that appeared in The Saturday Evening Post a while back.  The title of the article is “The Seven Ages of the Married Cold” and it tracks a husband’s reaction to his wife’s colds during their first seven years of marriage. And the thing I want you to notice is how love degenerated over time instead of love growing. Thus, love in marriage is something that must be cultivated and we will see that this morning.  The article tells us:

            THE FIRST YEAR: “Sugar dumpling.  I’m worried about my baby girl.  You’ve got a bad sniffle, and there’s no telling about these things with all this strep going around.  I’m putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and a good rest.  I know the food’s lousy, but I’ll bring your meals in from Rossini’s. I’ve already arranged it with the floor superintendent.”

            THE SECOND YEAR: “Listen, darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’ve called Doc Miller to rush over here.  Now, you go to bed like a good girl, please?  Just for papa.”

            THE THIRD YEAR: “Maybe you’d better lie down, honey; nothing like a little rest when your feeling punk. I’ll bring you something to eat. Have we got any soup?”

            THE FOURTH YEAR: “Look, dear, be sensible.  After you feed the kids and get the dishes washed, you’d better hit the sack.”

            THE FIFTH YEAR: “Why don’t you get yourself a couple of aspirin?”

            THE SIXTH YEAR: “Why don’t you gargle or something, rather than sitting around barking like a seal!”

            THE SEVENTH YEAR: “For pete’s sake, stop sneezing! What are you trying to do, give me pneumonia?”

            Now we laugh at that but the sad reality is, that is what happens in many marriages and this morning my prayer is that marriages would grow, they would flourish because instead of being self-centered you will be God-centered, obeying His plan for the family unit.  So with that said, let’s begin reading in I Peter chapter 3, starting in verse 1 and see what the Lord has for us as we build up the family unit.

            When do marriages usually struggle and for that matter, relationships struggle?  When there is stress in our lives, when difficult times come and Peter is writing to a group of Christians in Asia Minor who were being persecuted for their faith. Thus, he is admonishing them to have a steadfast endurance in the midst of the persecution they were facing and to live exemplary lives, holy lives in spite of the persecution they were facing.

            Now, where do we find the roots of our morality?  You see, evolution can’t explain morals and I believe morals come from God. We have in our conscience the knowledge of good and evil, the problem most of the time is we short-circuit our conscience so we can justify our actions.  Also, morals, the right kind of living is given to us in God’s Word as He tells us what is right and what is wrong. But when you take God out of the picture, you remove morality because it is rooted in the authority of God and our personal accountability to Him.  You doubt that?  Listen to what Joseph Fletcher wrote in his book, Moral Responsibility – Situation Ethics. He wrote:

            It depends on the situation. . . . In some situations unmarried love could be infinitely more moral than married unlove.  Lying could be more Christian than telling the truth.  Stealing could be better than respecting private property.  No action is good or right in itself.  It depends on whether or not it serves love’s purpose – understanding love to be personal concern – in the situation.

- Joseph Fletcher, Moral Responsibility – Situation Ethics, p. 34

            Thus, whatever makes you feel good is okay as long as you are happy!  Now you know why our kids are making such poor choices when they are being taught this garbage.  Now you know why people have no idea what is right or wrong because they are being told these lies!  And folks, I am not sorry to say that this is just plain garbage and it is not of God.  You see, God is removed from the picture and when you remove the existence and the authority of God from society and its decisions, moral confusion will result and that is what we are seeing today.  Now, to get back to the root of morality, let’s look at God’s commands, the first four deal with our relationship with God and the next six deal with our relationship with man.

            1.  THE UNIQUENESS OF GOD: Exodus 20:3

            “You shall have no other gods before Me.”

            2.  THE WORSHIP OF GOD: Exodus 20:4-5a.

“You shall not make for yourself a carved image — any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them.”

            3.  THE HONOR OF GOD: Exodus 20:7.

“You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain, for the LORD will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.”

4.  THE BLESSING OF GOD: Exodus 20:8, 11b.

“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. . . . Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.”

            Now, if you reject God then your relationship with man will be off, you won’t have your roots of morality based in God but in secular humanism, which is constantly changing and in opposition with God. But if you follow God then this is what you will see:

            5.  PROTECTION OF THE FAMILY: Exodus 20:12.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”

6.  PROTECTION OF HUMAN LIFE: Exodus 20:13.

“You shall not murder.”

7.  PROTECTION OF MARRIAGE: Exodus 20:14.

“You shall not commit adultery.”

8.  PROTECTION OF PRIVATE PROPERTY: Exodus 20:15.

“You shall not steal.”

9.  PROTECTION OF TRUTH AND INTEGRITY: Exodus 20:16.

“You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.”

10.  PROTECTION OF INDIVIDUAL RIGHTS: Exodus 20:17.

“You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.”

And isn’t it interesting how we see the failure of these things in our society all because we have removed God as being the authority of our morals, and folks, that goes for marriage also, as we have seen.  Now, with the remainder of our time this morning we are going to be looking at WIVES, HUSBANDS and CHILDREN with the desire to see the family unit grow in the Lord and with each other. If God is not in the center of your marriage, the center of your family you are going to struggle and I believe that is the problem we see today.  Some Christians refuse to obey what God has said in regards to how the family is to function and things are out of control.  Thus, let’s see what we can learn and apply to our lives this morning.

  1.  WIVES – I PETER 3:1-6

            We are told that:

The speaker at our woman’s club was lecturing on marriage and asked the audience how many of us wanted to “mother” our husbands. One member in the back row raised her hand.

“You do want to mother your husband?” the speaker asked.

“Mother?” the woman echoed.  “I thought you said smother.”

- Reader’s Digest, October, 1993

            Obviously ladies, that is not how you are to treat your husband although there may be days!  Peter tells us that you are to be submissive or freely rank yourself under the authority of your husband. Thus, this is a heart issue. If you will obey the Lord, if you have submitted to His call for your life, then your action will reflect that as you submit to the authority of your husband.

            Paul, in Ephesians 5:22-24 tells us, “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”  Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord for he is the spiritual leader of the family.  That doesn’t mean he is better or smarter, that is just the way the Lord has established the family unit.  Now what if he isn’t a nice guy though, what if he is mean.  Ladies, I am not talking about physical abuse here, because you are not a punching bag for your husband, you need to be removed from that situation. But if he is not a nice guy you still need to submit to him because your submission is not based upon or a reward for him being good, it is a command by God and is the proper order for the home. Now ladies, hang in there, we will be dealing with husbands shortly, and they are not going to get away with anything!

            Now if your husband is not nice, if he is not a Christian, what can you do to whip him into shape?  Love him, submit to him, care for him as unto the Lord.  Don’t beat him over the head with the Bible, and I know, he doesn’t deserve it, that is not the issue.  Just love him in the Lord as the Lord has instructed.  How can you do that? By building up your inner beauty, by walking with God and being obedient to Him and that inner beauty will overflow and be seen in your actions towards him.

            Let me give you an example of how you can win your husband over by your conduct and not your complaining, by your love and not your nagging.  You see, he will be changed by the power of God’s Spirit working through your chaste conduct. We are told:

            George Muller told of a wealthy German whose wife was a devout believer. This man was a heavy drinker, spending late nights in the tavern. She would send the servants to bed, stay up till he returned, receive him kindly, and never scold him or complain.  At times she would even have to undress him and put him to bed.

            One night in the tavern he said to his cronies, “I bet if we go to my house, my wife will be sitting up, waiting for me. She’ll come to the door, give us a royal welcome, and even make supper for us, if I ask her.”

            They were skeptical at first, but decided to go along and see. Sure enough, she came to the door, received them courteously, and willing agreed to make supper for them without the slightest trace of resentment. After serving them, she went off to her room.  As soon as she had left, one of the men began to condemn the husband. “What kind of a man are you to treat such a good woman so miserably?”  The accuser got up without finishing his supper and left the house. Another did the same and another till they had all departed without eating the meal.

            Within a half hour, the husband became deeply convicted of his wickedness, and especially of his heartless treatment of his wife.  He went to his wife’s room, asked her to pray for him, repented of his sins, and surrendered to Christ.  From that time on, he became a devoted disciple of the Lord Jesus.  Won without a word!

         - William MacDonald, Believer’s Bible Commentary, pp. 2266-2267

            What an example for us, and it is not always easy but it is what we are called to do.  Now, the focus today is on outward beauty and look at where it has gotten us.  Ladies, I am not saying don’t take care of your bodies, but don’t make it the priority of your life.  The main focus needs to be the beauty of your heart, and that is developed as you spend time with God, you read His Word, and you walk accordingly!  How much time do you spend putting on make-up, exercising, picking out clothes and how much time do you spend with the Lord?

            Ladies, if you want order back in your family, here is what you need to do, be submissive or rank yourself under the authority of your husband who is the spiritual leader of the family. And when you do, may it not be out of constraint, but out of love and see what God does, not because your husband deserves it, but because you desire it!

2.  HUSBANDS – I PETER 3:7

            There was a man who came to his pastor at the church he attended for 25 years. He was a leader in the church and well respected and he said, “Pastor, I’ve got something to tell you. I’ve never told this to a soul and this is extremely difficult for me to tell you now, but my wife and I have had a fight every day for the past 30 years of our marriage.”

            The pastor was taken back by what he was hearing and didn’t know what to say to the man.  And trying to gain some time and think of what to say, he said, “Everyday?”

            “Yes, every day.”

            “Did you fight today before you came to church?”

            “Yes.”

            “Well, how did it end up?”

            “She came crawling to me on her hands and knees.”

            “What did she say?”

            “Come out from under that bed you coward and fight like a man!”

            Men, you need to be the spiritual leader in the family and led your family into the presence of God. You need to step up to the plate and be an example to your family.  How much time do you spend in the Word?  What gets in your way of coming to church?  When bad things happen, how do you respond?  You see, you are an example not only to your wife, but also to your children!

            And men, these need to be the priorities in your life: the Lord, your wife, your children, your ministry, your work and-so-on. It is that important or else everything else will be out of order.  For my wife, she gets a double whammy you might say in regards of me being the spiritual leader of the family.  You see, I am not only her husband but also her pastor and I just laugh when people make the comments like, “Julie can get away with anything, she is the pastors wife. She can start any ministry she wants, do whatever she wants!”  That is funny to me because it is totally wrong and people speak what they don’t know.

            You see, not only am I the spiritual leader of our family, like I said, but as her pastor she has to come to me with everything to see if I will approve of it or not.  She is just like anyone else and she gets no special privileges, in fact, I am probably harder on her than on any of you. You see, a double whammy for Julie – sorry!  Now for me to negate that role would bring disorder in the family and the same is true for you men!

            Peter tells us that we need to understand our wives!  That reminds me of the story of the man who had one wish from God and he thought about it and then asked God for the following, “Lord, I would love to drive to Hawaii, I can’t fly because I’m scared of planes but if you can make a road that goes from California to Hawaii, that would be awesome!”  The Lord responded back and said, “That is kind of difficult, with the ocean waves, the storms and-so-on. Is there anything else I can do for you?”  The man thought about it and he had another wish, “I would love to understand my wife, can you do that for me?”  The Lord responded back, “Would you like two lanes or four lanes to Hawaii?”

            I know, I get myself in so much trouble!  But let me ask you this men, why can’t you understand your wife, why is this so difficult that we joke about it?  Because we don’t take the time to listen to them!  I know guys who can name all kinds of sport statistics, all kinds of information they can rattle off and try to remember their wife’s birthday, her favorite color, what food she likes they are at a loss.  And this may seem harsh, but it shows that you really don’t love her like you should because you are not taking the time to understand her.

            Now I don’t know if you heard the story of the man at work who decided to show how much he loved his wife, and before going home he showered, shaved, put on some choice cologne, bought her a bouquet of flowers. He went to the front door and knocked. His wife answered the door and exclaimed, “Oh no!  This has been a terrible day! First I had to take Billy to the emergency room and get stitches in his leg, then your mother called and said she’s coming for 2 weeks, then the washing machine broke, and now this!  You come home drunk!”

            Men, when was the last time you took your wife out on a date?  “A date?  What are you talking about, were married!” is how some of you think and you are wrong!  Just because you are married doesn’t mean you don’t date your wife!  And men, do you realize you are married to the King of kings and Lord of lords daughter and thus, she needs to be treated like royalty.  She needs to be the most precious thing in your life!  Don’t make it a shocking experience to your wife when you show up with flowers or take her out to eat or you help her out, that should be the norm!  For years now, my wife and I, when one was going out of town, we would place cards in the luggage showing our love, send flowers and lately, Julie has been leaving sheep all over the place for me! But I love it and I know she loves it, we look forward to finding these things and the notes.  Find a way to show your wife you love her like you did when you were dating her!

            Paul, in Ephesians chapter 5 tells us that we are to love our wife as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. We are not a dictator in this relationship, like some men act, but we are to be servants as Christ was.  Remember what Jesus said in Mark 10:45, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”  You see, we give our all to our wife and we are a servant to her, which I can’t remember that ever being said, and yet that is what the Scriptures are teaching us men!

            Now some of you are struggling with this but if you refuse to obey the Lord, Peter tells us that our prayers will be hindered. But why are our prayers being hindered?  Because you are the spiritual leader of the family and you are to set the example for the family and if you refuse to obey God, He will not hear your prays until you step forward and be the head of your family and love your wife, the wife that God has given to you, the daughter of the King!

3.  CHILDREN – I PETER 3:8-9

            Now this section is not only for children but for all believers, we are to put on the mind of Christ and let the love of God flow in us and through us as we humble ourselves before our fellow brethren.  “But what if someone is mean to me?  What if my mom yells at me?  What if my dad loses control, what if he lost his temper?”  Don’t repay evil for evil but be gracious and extend good.  None of us are perfect and that is not an excuse, but a reality, and thus let us be gracious towards each other. And if we are wrong, may we repent before God and apologize to our children or whomever we offended.

            Paul, in Ephesians 6:1-3 tells us this in regards to children, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother,’ which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’”

            Before we expound on that, Robert Orben tells us:

            Who can ever forget Winston Churchill’s immortal words: “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills.”  It sounds exactly like our family vacation.

- Robert Orben

            That should not be the case, of course, but how often it does happen! But why does this happen?  Because, during times of stress, what is in our hearts will overflow into our actions, the things that we do and say.  Now this is not going to be a very popular statement, and it goes contrary to what the world is telling our children, but here it goes. Kids, if you are disobedient to your parents, you are WRONG and you need to REPENT and get right with God and apologize to your parents!  “But you don’t know what they did to me?” I guess that is not the issue, it is how you responded to what they told you to do that is wrong before the eyes of God. You see, not a very popular answer but it is the heart of God. Do you realize that rebellious children in Israel were put to death!  Now I am not talking about a 2 year old or 10 year old, but as they grew and were rebellious God knew that if they refused to listen to their parents they would refuse to listen to the law of the land, they would refuse to listen to God and that would bring a nation down!   God takes our obedience very seriously!

            Now here is the thing, if you are living under the authority of your parents, in their house, I don’t care how old you are, you are to obey their rules unless, of course, they tell you to do something that is illegal. Now how often does that happen?  Not very, it is very rare because 99.9999999999999% of the time they are telling you to do what is right even though you may not like it.  Thus, it is a heart issue with you and you need to get your heart in line with God’s and obey your parents, not out of constraint but out of love! Paul, in Colossians 3:20 tells us this once again, the role of a child in the home, “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” If you want to please the Lord, obey your parents!

            Thus, for there to be order in the family the wife needs to be submissive to her husband; the husband needs to love his wife with understanding, as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it; and children need to obey their parents.  This is not a suggestion by God, but a command and the world, the flesh and the Devil are trying to destroy the family unit by getting us to focus our attention away from God and what He has said!

            Folks, the battle is intense.  Kay Millet, a famous women’s liberation advocate, wrote in her book, Sexual Politics, “The family unit must go because it’s the family that has oppressed and enslaved women for so long.”  We have others telling men as they get older that they are not getting older but better and they believe it and divorce their wife of 20 or 30 years for younger women! We have schools that are telling our children that their rooms are their sanctuary and parents can’t come in!  What are we going to do about this, draw close to God and keep order in the family as we follow the roles that God has set for the family unit.  That is where true joy and satisfaction is found, in the Lord and doing what we are created for, bringing pleasure to Him!

            You see, today basic Biblical principles are being replaced with pagan ideas that are destroying marriages and families!  Now here is the thing, you don’t have to smoke three packs of cigarettes a day to suffer the ill effects of smoking.  All you need to do is breathe somebody else’s smoke. You don’t have to be a pagan to be infected with paganisms poison.  Let one pagan view drop into your head unchecked, and its toxic fumes will leave your spirit wheezing and gasping for air! Be wise.

            As I close this morning, the solution to all are problems is Jesus Christ and as He changes our heart, as we are transformed by the power of His Spirit working in us, our actions will also be transformed, they will reflect the fruit of the Spirit, the nature of Jesus!  In the proceedings of the Constitutional Convention, (1787-1789), Benjamin Franklin said:

            Sir, I have lived a long time; and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see that God still governs in the affairs of men. If a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without our Father’s notice, is it possible that we can build an empire without our Father’s aid? I believe the Sacred Writings which say that “except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.”

            How true that is folks.  We can try all we want to apply human wisdom to the family and it will constantly be changing and in the end, it just won’t work.  Allow the Lord to build your home.  Darrell Mansfield has a song called, It Takes God To Build A Home and listen to some of the words to this song:

            You see, the family home is built as we are obedient to the order that God has set. And yes, it is not always easy, and it is not based upon what the other person is doing or not doing, it is based on you being obedient to the Lord in spite of what is happening around you. Let me leave you with these words from Peter to us, “Since you have purified your souls in obeying the truth through the Spirit in sincere love of the brethren, love one another fervently with a pure heart.”  I Peter 1:22.  That is how we will prevent the demise of the family!  Will you listen?  Will you obey?