Please turn in your Bibles to Malachi chapter 2 as we look at the institution of marriage and what God thinks about it this morning. And as you are turning there, listen to these letters that were written to Dear Abby:
Dear Abby: I will never again say that a letter in your column is too unbelievable to be real. Listen to this:
My husband and I recently attended the 25th wedding anniversary party of a couple we have known for years. It was a beautiful dinner party at a club for about a hundred guests.
Around midnight, the husband said that he and his wife had an announcement to make. They stood arm in arm, and he said, "We’ve had 25 years of marriage. Our children are married now, and there is no longer a reason to go on pretending our marriage is a success. It has been a failure for many years, so we’ve decided that while we are both young enough to enjoy life we’re getting divorced. It’s nobody ‘fault.’ It’s mutual and friendly, and we hope you will continue to be our friends."
They kissed each other and danced together as the band played, "Good Night, Sweetheart."
Can anybody top this?
Dear Abby: How about a letter from a "winner"? My married lover left his wife for me!
I was told that I wasn’t breaking up anything; his marriage was dead long before he ever met me. His wife had gotten fat. I was married too, but I assured him that my marriage was also over - my husband had gotten dull and boring.
So I divorced my boring husband and he divorced his chubby wife. Oh, yes, we both had children, but we explained that we were in love and when they were older they would understand.
Our marriage was a dream come true. No more lying and sneaking around. At long last we were legally man and wife for all the world to see.
Our apartment was filled with modern furniture and old-fashioned guilt. And plenty of doubt and mistrust.
Two years later he was meeting someone new. I told him he was a liar and a cheat. He said it took one to know one.
And by the way, he’s gotten a little dull and boring, and I’ve put on a little weight.
- Dear Abby, By Abigail Van Buren
Now some of you may be wondering why in the world I am bringing up this depressing subject of divorce? The reason is simple. We are seeing a epidemic of divorces in this nation, rising 700% in the last century and we are seeing 1 divorce for every 1.8 marriages in this country, and many have no idea what God says regarding this issue. So this morning we are going to examine this issue and see what we can do to divorce proof our marriage, or if you are not married, what you need to do to prepare for marriage, if that is what God has for your life. And if neither is in store for you, there are practical lessons you can apply to your Christian life to help you walk also.
The prophet Malachi is ministering to those who have returned home from the Babylonian captivity. And his ministry was either around the same time as the prophets Ezra and Nehemiah or shortly after their time. And here in Malachi we will see one of the issues that God was dealing with His people about. Thus, with that said, let’s look at Malachi chapter 2, beginning in verse 14 and see what the Lord has for us this morning.
We see here God expressing His will in regards to the marriage relationship. And God’s rebuke against His people is that they broke the marriage covenant they made with the Jewish women so they could divorce them and marry gentile women. The vows they took were empty and they caused their Jewish wives to weep and mourn over what has taken place.
And God is telling His people that He hates divorce. Why? Because it destroy’s peoples lives! In fact the husband was to cover his wife in the love of God, and here, by his actions, he is covering her with violence! Not a pretty picture, nor is it intended to be. And in all this unfaithfulness, many had come to the conclusion that God accepted their actions or if He didn’t, He couldn’t do anything about it! How wrong they were. They had mistaken the longsuffering of God with God accepting their ways or He couldn’t do anything about their sin, and many today feel the same way!
Now some of you may be thinking "Big deal! What does that have to do with me? I am a Christian!" I hate to say this, and I wish I didn’t have to say this, but this does affect all of us. Let me explain. George Barna, who heads the Baran Research Group, found out the following:
"Using statistics drawn from nationwide survey interviews with nearly 4000 adults, the data show that although just 11% of the adult population is currently divorced, 25% of all adults have experienced at least one divorce in their lifetime. Among born again Christians, 27% are currently or have previously been divorced, compared to 24% among adults who are not born again. (Because of the large sample size involved, that difference is statistically significant.)"
Do you understand what is going on here? Some of you may be thinking that these people got a divorce before they accepted Christ! Not so! You see, 90% of these Christians who have been divorced did so after they accepted Christ! And like the world, or should I say even worse than the world, 27% of Christians have been divorced!
Now that statistic should shock us, but it probably doesn’t in most cases. We have grown accustomed to these things like they are a normal part of life. But do you understand the reality of what is being said here? More Christians, more adults who call themselves "born again" are likely to experience a divorce than are those who are not born again or saved, (27% to 24%). That is a sad and tragic statistic.
Paul, in II Corinthians 5:17 tells us "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." Notice, the old life, the old ways are gone, done away with and we are a new creation in Christ. And yet, when it comes to divorce, we are no different than the world, in fact we are worse! And please understand that it is not only divorce that we are struggling with, but we are like the world in our actions, there is no real difference!
What in the world is going on? Why is there no difference between Christians and non-Christians when it comes to divorce and the marriage covenant, or for that matter, in many of the other areas that we are mimicking the world in? What is happening? I can give you a few things that seem to play an important factor in this problem that God hates. And once again these come from the George Barna Research Group.
1. Desiring to have a close, personal relationship with God ranks just sixth among the 21 life goals tested, trailing such desires as "living a comfortable lifestyle."
2. Born again Christians spend seven times as much time on entertainment as they do on spiritual activities.
3. This is one that I have seen. Christians would rather spend time with their unsaved friends, going out to eat, going to secular concerts, going to various other activities, than with their Christian friends. They tend to see Christian fellowship as unimportant but for some reason they put a high priority on non-Christian fellowship! Go figure?
4. In a representative nationwide survey among born again adults, none of the individuals interviewed said that the single, most important goal in their life is to be a committed follower of Jesus Christ.
Do you want to know why divorce is so common in the church today? Do you want to know why Christians are struggling so much today? The answer is really very simple. The desire of a deep, personal relationship with Jesus Christ is not there. They may desire that, but they don’t put forth the effort to develop that relationship. And what we then see is the desire to be a follower of Jesus gets lost with all the other activities and desires that people have. And when a person is not close to Jesus, they will not want to be around others who are because they feel uncomfortable.
Thus, instead of being transformed into the image of Christ, many are being conformed to the image of the world as they are looking out for their own personal interests. And in the marriage vow, instead of saying "Till death do us part" we might as well say "I’ll stick it out until someone prettier, younger, richer, stronger" or whatever "comes along!" And presto, the marriage covenant is broken!
Several years ago, fires broke out in the Laguna Beach area of California. And in those fires 20 homes were destroyed, they were burned to the ground. But in the midst of these destroyed homes, was one home that survived the fires, it was not destroyed. Why? What happened that this house survived and the others were burned, destroyed? Simple, the owner fire protected it! You see, you can’t stop the fires of this world that are burning around you, but you can fire proof your marriage, you can fire proof your life, you can fire proof your own homes. You see, your marriage can be left standing strong if you prepare it for what might come against it.
In Ephesians chapter 5 Paul gives us the blueprint for marriage and the way you can divorce proof or fire proof your marriage. And the reality is, if you apply these to your life, you will have a walk that is steady on, not only in marriage, but in all things. And basically, the section we are going to be looking at can be broken down into two main sections: DRAW CLOSE TO JESUS, Ephesians 5:13-17, and BE CONTINUALLY FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT, Ephesians 5:18-29. And under both of these sections we will look at the results of doing these things.
1. DRAW CLOSE TO JESUS - EPHESIANS 5:13-14
It all starts here, with Jesus. He exposes our sin, He awakens us from our spiritual sleep, He gives to us life. To try and live outside of Christ is very difficult, but as Paul said in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." And again in Philippians Paul tells us, "And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19.
You see, outside of Christ we are living for ourselves, and when we don’t get what we want, when our needs are not met, we move on until they are. And the reality is, outside of Christ they will never be met! But, in Christ, He meets all our needs, He brings satisfaction to our lives! He will equip us to do all things and thus, if you want to have a good marriage, Christ must be the focus, He must be the center of a marriage relationship!
A. THE RESULTS - EPHESIANS 5:15-17
a. The first thing we learn is to WALK CAREFULLY. You pay attention to where you are going. The Psalmist said in Psalm 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." You know how difficult it is to get around in the dark, walking into things, stubbing your toe, and-so-on. But Jesus tells us that He is the light of the world and He will light our path so we can see where we are going!
b. REDEEMING THE TIME is also important. We don’t waste time but use it to better our relationship with our spouse, for instance. The days we live in are evil and it is easy to let the enemy confuse your spouse thinking you don’t love them. Don’t give him an opportunity to do that, redeem the time!
I will share with you what I do. And believe me, I have a long way to go in this area. But one of the things I do with my wife is that at least once a month I will go out on a date with her! Yes, I am married, it has been 22 years now, and yes I still date her. Some tend to think dating occurs before marriage and once you trap them, sign the contract, it is all over! I hope not!
When Julie goes on a retreat or away I will leave a love note and sometimes a flower in her suitcase. And if I go away I hide them in various places around the house for her to find. And Julie does the same with me. And I love it! You see, you don’t have to spend millions of dollars to tell your spouse you love them, but something that is so simple, can mean so much to them. Redeem the time!
c. We also need to KNOW GOD’S WILL for our lives, to be wise. And that is done as we read and apply God’s Word to our lives! We tend to make things so complicated when in reality they aren’t. All we need to do is take the time, to stop and listen to what God is saying, developing a deep relationship with Him. And if you do, these things will flow from your life.
2. BE CONTINUALLY BEING FILLED WITH THE HOLY SPIRIT - EPHESIANS 5:18
It is one thing to know what to do and it is another to have the power to do it. And Paul is telling us that drunkenness is wasteful, harmful, of no value, but being filled with the Spirit is great gain! It is as Micah 3:8 says "But truly I am full of power by the Spirit of the LORD..." You need the power of God’s Spirit for your marriage to be all that God wants it to be, and for that matter, for your life to be all that God wants it to be!
B. THE RESULTS - EPHESIANS 5:19-21
a. A person filled with Christ and His Spirit has the JOY OF THE LORD flow from their lives. They are singing, laughing, rejoicing in the Lord. You might say that the Lord is just oozing from their lives. You see, their focus is not themselves, but the Lord and that is then what flows from their lives.
b. Another thing a person who is filled with the Spirit of God has in their lives is a THANKFUL HEART! They are just plain thankful for all that God has given them. They don’t focus on what they don’t have, but what they do have in the Lord. They are content in the Lord and thank the Lord for what He has done in their lives.
c. SUBMISSION is the last thing we see here in Ephesians. And thus, a person filled with the Spirit of God, walking with Jesus, will not try to be the top dog, but will submit to those in authority over them. There will not be fighting for positions, but submission! And this is one of those areas that we don’t see often, for people don’t fear the Lord as they should, and thus, they put themselves on the top!
Now in regards to marriage, lets break this down into 2 sections in regards to submission, and we will look at the wives part, and the men said "Preach it brother!" And the mans part, and the women said "Hallelujah!" But please understand that these are for you, not for the person next to you! Silence!
1. WIVES SUBMIT TO YOUR HUSBAND - EPHESIANS 5:22-24
Ever since Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden of Eden the battle of the sexes have been raging on! But here God makes things very simple, wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord. Not slaves, not bossed around like some lower life form, not trampled on like garbage, but to respect, honor, submit to the husband as he is the leader of the family. Now some may not like that, but don’t get mad at me, God said it! And really, you have a better position as you will see in a minute. Many men like to speak of this portion of Ephesians, but neglect what comes next, their part!
2. HUSBANDS LOVE YOUR WIVES AS CHRIST LOVES THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF FOR IT - EPHESIANS 5:25-29
Husbands, you are to love your wives, cherish them as Christ loves the church and gave His life for it. Too often husbands come home, sit down, and expect their wives to slave over them like they were some kind of king and their wife was their slave. Not true! You see, in Christ, empowered by His Spirit, you will have a beautiful harmony in your marriage relationship, and that is what God desires!
You are also to be the spiritual leader of the family, cleansing your family as the Word of God is read. What happens in many Christian homes is the exact opposite - the wife runs the family and the husband is along for the ride! That is totally wrong. You need to take charge in the Love of Christ, loving, guiding, protecting, cherishing your wife, the one whom God gave to you!
But, if either spouse is not drawing close to Christ, not walking carefully, not redeeming the time, not knowing God’s will, if they are not filled with God’s Spirit, they will not have the joy of the Lord, they will not give thanks, they will not submit to anyone, not even their spouse, and that marriage will be in trouble! If you want to divorce proof your marriage, if you want to put up a fire wall of protection, if you want your marriage to be all that God wants it to be, then not only listen, but apply what God has said through the apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 5!
God does hate divorce because it does destroy lives, but let us not make divorce the unpardonable sin. People going through divorce are hurting, let us not forget that. Let us reach out in love to them. You see, if you are divorced, God still loves you no matter what others may say. I would rather listen to God than the opinion of others. If you have thought about divorce or are thinking about divorce , give it to God, know His will for your life, don’t do something that will have life-long consequences. Get some Christian counseling, someone who will point you back to Jesus and His will for your life. And in that, the problem is not going to be your spouse most of the time, for God wants us to examine our own hearts and for our actions to change and God will deal with the other person if they will allow Him. God is in the business of restoration, He wants to rebuild lives, rebuild families!
As I close this morning, I want to leave you with this poem on marriage. The poem goes like this:
It’s rough. It’s tough. It’s work.
Anybody who says it isn’t
Has never been married.
Marriage has far bigger problems
Than toothpaste squeezed
From the middle of the tube.
Marriage means...
Grappling, aching, struggling,
It means putting up
With personality weaknesses
Accepting criticism
And giving each other freedom to fail.
It means sharing deep feelings
About fear and rejection.
It means turning self-pity into laughter
And taking a walk to gain control.
Marriage means...
Gentleness and joy
Toughness and fortitude
Fairness and forgiveness
And a walloping amount of sacrifice.
Marriage means...
Learning when to say nothing
When to keep talking
When to push a little
When to back off.
It means acknowledging
"I Can’t be God to you -
I need Him, too."
Marriage means...
You are the other part of me
I am the other part of you.
We’ll work through
With never a thought of walking out.
Marriage means...
Two imperfect mates
Building permanently
Giving totally
In partnership with a perfect God.
Marriage my love, means us!
- Ruth Harms Calkin, Love Is So Much More, Lord
And lastly, marriage is symbolic of Christ and His church. Paul, in Ephesians chapter 5 said beginning in verse 30, "For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.
‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:30-33.
Jesus does not separate Himself from His bride, the church, and the picture that we are to portray in our marriage is the picture of Christ and His bride, being the husband; and the church, as represented by the wife. But what we are seeing is the exact opposite when 27% of Christian marriages end in divorce! May we truly have a desire to walk the walk and not just talk the talk. May we take up the cross, deny ourselves and follow Jesus and if you do, your marriage will shine like God intended it to shine and bring Him glory and reflect the love of Jesus for His bride, the church!