SM1144: MYSTERY OF MARRIAGE

SONG OF SOLOMON PART 3

Over the past couple of weeks we have been looking at the marriage relationship. We have seen that God wants us to have an intimate relationship with our spouse. But as you look at marriages today, you can clearly see that something is terribly wrong. In a Newsweek article dated January 10, 1983 a writer asked, "Is there anyone left in the land who has not heard a friend, a child, or a parent describe the agony of divorce?" (page 42).

When I was growing up in the late 1960's early 1970's, divorce was rare and if it did occur, it was looked upon as a tragedy for all involved. But in the society we are living in today, we are heavily influenced by dissolved marriages, broken homes, and torn families. In 1997 it has been estimated that 2.5 million couples will get married and 2 million couples will get a divorce. Divorced adults are the most rapidly growing marriage category. The proportion of adults currently divorced more than tripled from 1970 to 1996, from 3% of the adult population to 10%. The proportion of adults currently married has declined from 72% to 60%. And the proportion of children living with only one parent has more than doubled, from 12% to 28%.

The institution of marriage is being attacked today, like never before. The basic thrust is to destroy something that God ordained. Kay Millet, who is a strong advocate for women's liberation, said in her book, Sexual Politics, "The family unit must go because its the family that has oppressed and enslaved women for so long." What a tragic outlook on what the family is all about, and they are promoting these kind of ideas.

A judge of the Court of Common Pleas, in Toledo, Ohio said, "To call me a judge is something of a misnomer. I am really a sort of public mortician. In the past eleven years I have presided over the funerals of twenty-two thousand dead marriages. The trouble is this: I have buried a lot of live corpses. There was no sure way to discover and resuscitate the spark of life that surely remained in many of them." Think about this, every year for eleven years he has seen 2,000 marriages dissolve!

Why is the family under attack? Because when you look to destroy the moral fiber of any society, the family must be at the heart of the attack. God has set the standard for marriage, one man married to one woman, with the head of the family being the husband. But today we see much confusion in regards to what a family is all about. We see men marrying men, women marrying women, the wife running the family, children doing whatever they want, couples living together outside of marriage, divorce as an acceptable way to handle problems, and-so-on.

Thus, the only hope for the family, for the future of this society, is that we as Christians adhere to the Divine standards that God has set before us in His Word, and apply that to our family life, and proclaiming these truths to a world that is living in darkness and disillusionment!

We have talked about a husbands role in this marriage relationship. That we are to love our wives WILLINGLY, as Christ loves the church. That we are to love our wives SACRIFICIALLY, as Christ gave Himself for the church. That we are to love our wives PRACTICALLY, pointing her to Christ and giving her the time to grow in the Lord, loving her as we love our own bodies. That we are to love our wives UNCONDITIONALLY, as God loves us. In doing so we will nurture her and help her to grow and blossom into the wife that God wants her to be, just like a beautiful rose.

We have also talked about wives and their role in this marriage relationship. That you are to RESPECT your husband as you would unto the Lord. That you are to ENCOURAGE your husband in the position that God has placed them in. You are to be a COMPANION to your husband as God created you for, to be a helpmate. If you do you will see your husband grow and shine forth in the role that God has placed him in, the spiritual leader of the family.

In saying all that, marriages still seem to struggle. There still seems to be a difficulty in keeping marriages together. As Christians, we have something that the world does not have, and that is what we are going to talk about. For, in a sense, we are glued together in this marriage relationship, and in this marriage relationship there is a special aspect that should be displayed as a banner, for all to see.

Our text this morning will be Ephesians chapter 5, as Paul gives us the principle. Then we will be looking in the Song of Solomon to see how this principle is played out in our lives, or how it should be. So if you would, turn to Ephesians chapter 5, and lets begin reading in verse 30.

EPHESIANS 5:30-32

"For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.

'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."

Paul is speaking of a "great mystery" in this section. When we think of the word "mystery" we think of something that is hidden, that we can't find out about. The idea here, the Greek word being MUSTERION, speaks of something that was hidden in the past, unknown by human reason, but now is being manifested to us by the revelation of God, and here, God is speaking through the apostle Paul.

That hidden truth that Paul spoke of is that the Christian marriage is a type of Christ and His church. The Old Testament saints did not see this, and up till this point, the New Testament saints did not see this either. But now Paul is speaking of a beautiful picture being portrayed of the relationship of Christ and His bride, the church, when the world looks at a Christian marriage.

You see, the church is His body, it is His bride which makes the Christian home a divinely ordained illustration of that relationship. Don't take marriage lightly, it is a serious matter.

Paul uses the Greek word LEGO, when he says he will "speak" of these things. It is an interesting word for it means a "linking and knotting together" of information. Paul just finished speaking of how wives are to submit to their husbands and how husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church and died for it. He now connects, links, knots together those thoughts with this mystery or once hidden truth of a husband and a wife representing or giving us a picture of Christ and His church.

Now that should help you to understand why the family is under attack. Satan wants the glory, the praise, he wants to be worshipped as god. And a Christian marriage is glorifying to God and irritates Satan. And in reality, that is the whole reason this anointed cherub, God's number one created being, fell, pride, the desire to be worshipped. In Isaiah 14:12-17 we read of him , "How you are fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, You who weakened the nations! For you have said in your heart: 'I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God; I will also sit on the mount of the congregation On the farthest sides of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will be like the Most High.' Yet you shall be brought down to Sheol, To the lowest depths of the Pit. Those who see you will gaze at you, And consider you, saying: 'Is this the man who made the earth tremble, Who shook kingdoms, Who made the world as a wilderness And destroyed its cities, Who did not open the house of his prisoners?'" You see, this creature is trying to take away the glory, the praise, the worship from God, and by destroying the family it is one of the ways he does this.

Thus, even in the church today we see chaos in the family. We see divorce, broken homes, living together outside of marriage, children being born out of wedlock, and-so-on. And many times the church sees nothing wrong with this. They feel they are human and have every right to do these things, God would understand. That is garbage and you are just trying to justify your sin.

Yes God is merciful and gracious towards us, but He does not want us to continue living in sin. When Paul spoke of the church in Ephesians 5:32, he used the Greek word, EKKLESIA, which means "to call out". You see, we have been called out of the world to be a special people, a holy people unto God. Peter said that you should not be "...conforming yourselves to the former lusts, as in your ignorance; but as He who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, because it is written, 'Be holy, for I am holy.'" I Peter 1:14-16. Don't live in the past, you see, "...if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new." II Corinthians 5:17.

Now let me speak on divorce for just a minute. Paul says that a man will be "joined" or "glued" to his wife. Think of it this way. If you glue two pieces of paper together, and after that glue dries, if you try pulling the paper apart, what would happen? The paper would be torn, ripped, fragmented, you can never get it back into two whole pieces of paper. Now why would God use such a tough illustration? Because our marriage is a picture of Christ and His church, which once we are joined together, that relationship can't be un-joined or torn apart!

Understand the battle that is going on here. If you think you can win it in the flesh you are dead wrong. As we have said before, Paul opened this whole section on relationships; husbands and wives, children and parents, employees and employers and then launches into a section on the spiritual warfare we are in by saying "And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God." Ephesians 5:18-21.

That is so important for us to understand. We must submit ourselves moment by moment, day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, to the guiding of the Holy Spirit. As we are filled and guided by Him, what comes flowing from our lives is beautiful songs, worship unto the Lord, praising and thanking Him for the new life He as given to us. The key is we must submit to Him or place ourselves under the authority of the Holy Spirit.

If we don't, we are going to see problems in our marriage. We will see sin grow and sin, for the most part is just selfishness on our part. And as we allow that to grow in our hearts and in our lives, we will see the ugliness of the flesh come forth instead of the fruit of the Spirit.

Besides submitting ourselves to the Holy Spirit, there is another very important thing we must do that is found in a parallel passage to Ephesians chapter 5. Paul said in Colossians 3:16-17, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." After saying this, he goes into the relationship of husbands, wives, children, employees and employers, and-so-on.

The point is this. We need to submit ourselves to the guiding of the Holy Spirit, that is a given. But that submission is in accordance to the Word of God, which teaches and admonishes us, bringing new songs into our hearts and lives. You see, our words, our actions must be based in the Word of God. The problem comes when we move outside His Word, and we have people doing and saying all kinds of bizarre things, and attributing them to God or the Holy Spirit.

Before you think I am way off on this, listen to this. Listen to what some Christians believe that God has approved of, or so they say. "Unless you're married to a Christian, you're not really married in God's eyes." Foolishness! "Your marriage is really no different from a Christian marriage." Garbage! A Christian marriage should be vastly different. Pastor Skip Heitzig said on one of his tours to Israel that their "guide told [him] of an American Christian leader who went on one of his tours and told him that Jesus had appeared to the leader saying he could let his wife go because he had somebody better for him." Wake up people! Another pastor of a church in New York retained his pastorate after having an affair with another woman, and then divorced his wife of twenty years. And some of his supporters said "He'd done nothing wrong since the woman was a willing partner, and the relationship was not exploitative." Is anyone home in there?

Do you see how important it is to have the Holy Spirit guide and direct you according to the Word of God and not outside the Word of God? These are just a few examples of the bizarre stuff that is out there, what people are thinking and saying God approves of. Folks, "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly..." Colossians 3:16.

Now with the remainder of our time this morning I want to show you how important your marriage relationship is to the lost and even to those in Christ. It is like a giant banner shinning forth the love of Christ, or at least it should be. For those that are saved, and maybe struggling in their marriage, your marriage should guide them, encourage them, help them to live the way that God wants them to. For those outside of Christ, when they look at your marriage they should be drawn to Christ, desiring to have what you have in your life, the peace of God because you have made peace with God through Jesus Christ!

And so lets dig into these three areas this morning and see how they can help us in our walk with the Lord and our marriage, and to be a banner to the world of what a marriage is all about.

1. WHAT MAKES IT SO GREAT?

In Song of Solomon chapter 5, the Shulamite is searching for her husband and is having a hard time finding him. And she runs into the daughters of Jerusalem or the virgins of the city, and she asks them to help, be on the look out for him. They respond by saying "What is your beloved More than another beloved, O fairest among women? What is your beloved More than another beloved, That you so charge us?" Song of Solomon 5:9.

It is out of that question she responds by telling them, witnessing to them why her husband, her beloved, is so great. She tells them he is sweet, lovely, a friend. That is how we should feel for our spouse and how we should talk of them. We should not put them down, belittle them, but speak of the love we have for them.

As others hear us speak of our spouse so highly, it can open a door for us to speak of our Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. We can share with them the love we have for Him and He as for us. That He is sweet, lovely, a friend. Allow your marriage to be a witness of Christ that you can share that love with them. And think about it like this, you wouldn't put down or belittle Christ, would you? Of course not! Then don't do that to your spouse, you marriage is under the spotlight and the world is seeing what kind of witness you will be.

2. WHAT MAKES IT SO PEACEFUL?

Your marriage should be peaceful, it should reflect the relationship we have with the Lord. In Song of Solomon 8:5 we read, "Who is this coming up from the wilderness, Leaning upon her beloved?..."

Throughout the Song of Solomon we see the beloved trying to get his bride to come to the mountains of Bether or separation, to be alone with him, to allow their love to grow. Now as this couple returns home the people recognize something different about her. She is seen resting on her beloved, trusting in him, being comforted by him. And this was done as she spent time with him. I think that happens in a marriage relationship. The more time we spend together, the more we can rest in each other and trust each other.

Thus, as difficult times come upon your life, your marriage, instead of conflict, there should be peace. In the various situations that Julie and I have found ourselves in over the past 20 years, we have found peace in our relationship with each other and the Lord. Now when we deviate from one of those, we end up seeing conflict, unrest, there is no peace.

The key is spending time with the Lord, learning to rest in Him, being comforted by Him. As Paul said in I Corinthians 10:13, "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." It is as we rest in Him, knowing He is in control and drawing us close to Him, that you can look at your spouse and rest in any given situation.

The world is wondering how you do it? What makes your marriage so peaceful? Another door of opportunity to share with them of the prince of peace, Jesus Christ, who will give us rest as we lean upon Him!

3. WHY DO I THIRST?

We are told to be the salt of the earth, and salt is a preservative, keeping things from spoiling. Our marriage should be a preserving force to what marriages should be like. Salt also burns or irritates when placed upon a wound. When our marriage is placed upon those marriages that are struggling because of sin and selfishness, it may irritate them. But in that irritation comes healing and that is what we pray for. And salt also makes a person thirsty. When people look at our marriage they should hunger and thirst after what we have. They should desire that for their marriage.

In Song of Solomon we read of the daughters of Jerusalem or the virgins of the city saying, "...We will run after you...We will be glad and rejoice in you. We will remember your love more than wine...Rightly do they love you." Song of Solomon 1:4. In other words they saw the love that Solomon and his bride had for each other and they desired that kind of relationship.

The only reason our marriage can be lifted up as a banner is because Christ is the one holding it up and holding it together. People should not be repulsed when they look at our marriage, but hunger and thirst after what we have. As they do, you can share Christ with them. As Jesus said to the woman at the well in Samaria, we too can share with them, "...'Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.'" John 4:13-14. True satisfaction, the quenching of our thirst is found only as we drink in the Lord into our lives. It satisfies our hunger, it refreshes our lives.

As Satan tries to destroy marriages, destroy families, altar what a family is all about, display your banner for all to see and that banner of love you have should point them to the giver of life, Jesus Christ.

One early historian wrote of an account of a spy who went to investigate a local assembly somewhere in the Roman Empire. This was his report: "These Christians are very strange people. They meet together in an empty room to worship. They don't have an image. They speak of one by the name of Jesus who is absent, but whom they seem to be expecting at any time. My, how they love Him and how they love one another."

The center of their relationship was the Lord and out of that love for the Lord they loved each other. What a witness! What if a spy came into our church today. Could they report back saying: "My, how they love their Lord! How they love their wives, husbands, and the members of their church. They show love and forgiveness in all their relationships and are content among themselves, yet they selflessly reach out to strangers. I want to be like them...I want to be a Christian."

May that be the desire of our hearts, to show the love of Christ in all we do. Let me leave you this morning, and as I close this study on marriage, about a marriage that was begun on a rock. "If ever a marriage was started on the rock, it was that of Robert Homer Berden and his bride. Frances Frei, who were married in a ceremony on top of the rock of Gibraltar, in St. Michael's Cave. Berden said later, 'We chose the site because we wanted to found our marriage on a rock.'"

May your marriage be founded upon THE ROCK, JESUS CHRIST! May it be displayed as a light in a world of darkness that men may be drawn to Christ through it. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:13-16, "You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

Be that preserving force, that healing force, that force that makes people thirsty for Christ. Be a light in a world that is in darkness. Be a banner for all to see! Be a witness in all you say and all you do of the love of Christ!