This morning we are going to take a departure from our study in the book of Revelation and look at the role of a father, since it is Father’s Day. I have called this message: IT’S TIME TO BE A FATHER! The reason is simple, the role of a father today is askew, it is off center where God wants it and because of that there are devastating affects within the family that are also affecting our society. We have father’s that don’t want to function in that God ordained role. Yes, I can see how the unsaved can go down that path, I am not talking about the unsaved here.
I am speaking of believers, those who have given their lives to Jesus Christ and yet, they are refusing to fulfill the role of a father in the home, the head of the family, spiritually speaking. Thus, this morning we will be looking at an example of what a father should be, and folks, please understand we are not perfect, but I truly believe if we live out our lives as God has called us, He will honor our faithfulness in what He has called us to do!
Let me show you what I mean. In Matthew 25:23 listen to what Jesus said to the faithful servant who used what God had given him. We are told, “His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’” You see, he was not focused on the results, but on his faithfulness to serve, to use what God had given him and God honored him for his faithfulness.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, Jesus tells us in Luke 16:10-12, “He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much; and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much. Therefore if you have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will commit to your trust the true riches? And if you have not been faithful in what is another man's, who will give you what is your own?” You see, there are consequences to our unfaithfulness, to our not using what God has given to us, God does not honor it, He does not bless it.
This morning, if you would, please turn in your Bibles to I Corinthians chapter 4 as we look at the role of a father that will help us be all that God desires us to be. As you are turning there, listen to this true story from the late Erma Bombeck on what the role of a dad is all about, and I think she did a pretty good job in explaining things, but she did leave out an important aspect as you will see. We are told:
A single mother had raised a son who was about to become a dad. Since he had no recollection of his own father, her question to me was “What do I tell him a father does?” When my dad died in my ninth year, I, too, was raised by my mother, giving rise to the same question, “What do father’s do?” As far as I could observe, they brought around the car when it rained so everyone else could stay dry.
They always took the family pictures, which is why they were never in them. They carved turkeys on Thanksgiving, kept the car gassed up, weren’t afraid to go into the basement, mowed the lawn, and tightened the clothesline to keep it from sagging.
It wasn’t until my husband and I had children that I was able to observe firsthand what a father contributed to a child’s life. What did he do to deserve his children’s respect? He rarely fed them, did anything about their sagging diapers, wiped their noses or fannies, played ball, or bonded with them under the hoods of their cars.
What did he do?
He threw them higher than his head until they were weak from laughter. He cast the deciding vote on the puppy debate. He listened more than he talked. He let them make mistakes. He allowed them to fall from their first two-wheeler without having a heart attack. He read a newspaper while they were training to parallel park a car for the first time in preparation for their driving test.
If I had to tell someone’s son what a father really does that is important, it would be that he shows up for the job in good times and bad times. He’s a man who is constantly being observed by his children. They learn from him how to handle adversity, anger, disappointment and success.
He won’t laugh at their dreams no matter how impossible they might seem. He will dig out at 1 a.m. when one of his children runs out of gas. He will make unpopular decisions and stand by them. When he is wrong and makes a mistake, he will admit it.
He sets the tone for how family members treat one another, members of the opposite sex and people who are different than they are. By example, he can instill a desire to give something back to the community when its needs are greater than theirs.
But mostly, a good father involves himself in his kids’ lives. The more responsibility he has for a child, the harder it is to walk out of his life.
A father has the potential to be a powerful force in the life of a child. Grab it! Maybe you’ll get a greeting card for your efforts. Maybe not. But it’s steady work.
- Erma Bombeck, Field Enterprises
I like that but there is something missing, like I said. And the things that are missing are building them up in the faith, to live out your faith so they can see it, to teach them the things of God so they can grow. And folks, there is no greater joy than to have your children hug you and tell you they love you when they are 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 and-so-on. But, there are times when they won’t agree with you, they may not hug you, they may not tell you that they love you but something else that is not very nice. But the thing is, are your doing what is right? You see, you are serving the Lord even if your children don’t agree with you, you need to be obedient to Him. Be faithful in what God has entrusted to you because, men, IT’S TIME TO BE A FATHER!
With that said, let’s begin reading in I Corinthians chapter 4, starting in verse 14 and see what the Lord has for us this morning as we grow in Him.
Paul tells us, “I do not write these things to shame you, but as my beloved children I warn you. For though you might have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet you do not have many fathers; for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel. Therefore I urge you, imitate me.” Now listen to how the NIV puts these verses. We are told, “I am not writing this to shame you, but to warn you, as my dear children. Even though you have ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me.”
Here Paul is speaking of being their spiritual father, bringing them to the Lord and then helping them to grow, to mature in the Lord. You see, they needed a father. The same is true in the family life. Children don’t need their father’s to be friends, teachers, good buddies, but they do need them to be fathers and within that role these things will play out, but the priority is to focus on the role of a father. What happens many times is you want to be their friend so you don’t deal with their behavior, you don’t want to offend them. Let me let you in on a little secret, if you have children, you will offend them, they are growing, maturing and they need to learn right from wrong!
Now, as you read through the Scriptures you really can’t find good fathers, they all seem to have some major flaw that is exposed that affects their children. I will give you one example and that is of king David. David was a godly king, a godly man who loved the Lord with all of his heart. And yet, he was not perfect and God shows us some of his failures so we can learn from them. That is exactly what Paul tells us in Romans 15:4, “For whatever things were written before were written for our learning, that we through the patience and comfort of the Scriptures might have hope.” We can learn lessons of faith and failure to help us to grow in the Lord!
In II Samuel chapter 13 we read the story of Amnon, one of David’s sons and Tamar, a daughter of David and a stepsister to Amnon. Here’s the problem, Amnon lusted after her so much it made him sick. So much so that one of his friends, Jonadab noticed and asked what was wrong, why was he losing so much weight and looking so bad. And Amnon told him, “ . . . ‘I love Tamar, my brother Absalom's sister.’” II Samuel 13:4.
Thus, Jonadab comes up with this plan for Amnon to get Tamar. He tells him to pretend to be ill and when his father David comes to see him he should tell his dad to send Tamar to come and care for him, prepare him some meals. And that plan worked beautifully, at least for Amnon. He sent all his servants away and he had her to himself!
And in II Samuel 13:10-17 we are told, “Then Amnon said to Tamar, ‘Bring the food into the bedroom, that I may eat from your hand.’ And Tamar took the cakes which she had made, and brought them to Amnon her brother in the bedroom. Now when she had brought them to him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, ‘Come, lie with me, my sister.’ But she answered him, ‘No, my brother, do not force me, for no such thing should be done in Israel. Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king; for he will not withhold me from you.’ However, he would not heed her voice; and being stronger than she, he forced her and lay with her. Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, ‘Arise, be gone!’ So she said to him, ‘No, indeed! This evil of sending me away is worse than the other that you did to me.’ But he would not listen to her. Then he called his servant who attended him, and said, ‘Here! Put this woman out, away from me, and bolt the door behind her.’”
This is a horrible story of rape, incest, lust and when David hears about what his son had done, he is going to deal with it, after all, he is a man after God’s own heart! Well, he doesn’t deal with it the way you would think. In II Samuel 13:21 we are told, “But when King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.”
He was very angry, no kidding! That is great but do something about it! But he didn’t, he was mad at what took place and didn’t deal with this incident, maybe thinking it would go away, or boy’s will be boy’s, or he’ll grow out of it, or maybe thinking his son could never do that, or whatever! It did happen and because he didn’t deal with it, there was trouble. Absalom, the brother of Tamar did do something. After two full years he had Amnon murdered for what he did to his sister and then, down the road after Absalom led a revolt against his father David, David’s men killed Absalom! You see, you can’t ignore sin, you need to deal with it or it will deal with you. And I know, discipline is not always easy, but it is necessary!
Let me show you what I mean by the importance of having father’s function in their role, being faithful to what their role in the family is. Back in 1994 there was the First National Summit on Fatherhood in Dallas and listen to what they came up with. These are some of the social trends and statistics that were discussed and it should have been a wake-up call to father’s all across America. This is what they reported:
Now, here we are in 2007 and I don’t believe we have learned our lesson. Yes, there are fathers out there but they are not fulfilling their role and society really doesn’t care. In fact, we laugh at it. We see shows like The Simpson’s where the dad is just a goof ball, he doesn’t know what he is doing, and the reality is, many fathers’ today are like Homer Simpson!
Maybe some of you have seen or heard about the 2-minute video on the web done by Will Ferrell and Adam McKay called The Landlord. Not only do you see Will Ferrell and Adam McKay but also McKay’s 2-year-old daughter, who plays the landlord. In the clip she comes to collect the rent from Will but he does not have the money and he is late on the rent. That causes this little girl to erupt with foul language. Not only that, but she has a drinking problem and she demands the money so she can “get my drink on.” She is seen carrying a bottle of beer away with her!
Within 24 hours of putting this on the Internet they had 7 million view it! Folks, our website has just under 10,000 hits in several years! And as I looked at the different web sites on this, the majority, and I mean the majority thought it was very funny, some even saying they didn’t think it would hurt the little girl! Very few thought it was wrong! You have to be kidding me and yet, that is where many fathers are today. How could he allow his daughter to say those things, he should be ashamed of himself, that is child abuse to me!
You see, what you may see as funny and cute in a 2-year-old is not funny and cute when they are 5, or 10, or 15 or 20 years old! That is why Solomon rightly said in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Or as The Living Bible puts this verse, “Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.”
Then who can we as Christians look to as examples of what a good father should be? Well, there is one perfect example for us that we can learn from on what a father should be and that is the example of our heavenly Father! Gayle Erwin, in his book YHWH Style looks at the nature of our heavenly Father and men, this nature should also flow from our lives.
Now, before we look at these characteristics, let me start out by saying that the husband, the father is to be the head of the household, the spiritual leader of the family. He is to lead the family, guide the family in their walk with the Lord and that will then be manifested in their outward actions, the things that they do. That truly is where it starts, having order in the family as each member fulfills their God ordained role.
Listen to what the Lord tells us in Exodus 34:5-7, and this is from the NIV. We are told, “Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, ‘The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation.’”
Within these verses emerge several characteristics of our heavenly Father that should be manifested in our own lives, especially but not only us earthly fathers. Let’s examine them with our remaining time this morning.
1. COMPASSIONATE
Please understand that the Lord doesn’t just feel sorry for us, but it speaks of God intervening on our behalf. How often in both the Old and New Testaments do we see God’s people getting it wrong, messing up, not listening, and yet we see God move with compassion towards them and intervene to help them.
As a parent our children seem to have us wrapped around their little finger, and in a sense they do and I don’t mean this in a bad way. You see, we love them so much we want to help them, even when they get it wrong. When my little grandson, Liam is trying to do something and he is not listening to what I am telling him, I don’t get mad and yell at him. I help him to accomplish the task so that he may learn. Folks, our children need to know that we will have compassion on them just as our heavenly Father has compassion on us!
2. GRACIOUS
The word “gracious” is also translated as mercy or lovingkindness. When you think of God’s grace and mercy that He extends to us, it is not based on our deserving it. In fact, the reality is, it is the exact opposite. Grace speaks of getting what we don’t deserve, and we don’t deserve eternal life but God freely gives it to us through his Son Jesus Christ. Mercy speaks of not getting what we do deserve, eternal punishment, and once again this is found in Jesus Christ.
Now don’t get the idea that God doesn’t discipline His children, He does. In Hebrews chapter 12 Paul tells us, “And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons: ‘My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives.’ If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness. Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:5-11.
Here’s the thing. We need to be gracious and merciful to our children. Yes, discipline them when it is needed but always with grace and mercy as our heavenly Father deals with us. It is as Jeremiah said in Lamentations 3:22-23, “Through the LORD's mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness.”
3. SLOW TO ANGER
I am so thankful that my heavenly Father is slow to anger or I would be in trouble. God is very slow to anger, He is not in heaven saying “One more time Joe and you’ve had it! Don’t make me come down there!” You get the idea. And remember, His grace and mercy are new every morning, and I need that!
I look at the life of Jonah and how he rebelled against the Lord, he did not do what God wanted him to do. In fact, he tried to go in the opposite direction. And God could have smote him, but He didn’t. He was very gracious and merciful, He was slow to anger and in the end, Jonah obeyed the Lord even though Jonah was not happy with the results!
We need to be slow to anger with our children just as our heavenly Father is with us. Now, honestly folks, at this point in the study, I was pretty beaten up. I saw my failures, my weaknesses, my mistakes and then I remembered my Lord who is compassionate, gracious, merciful, slow to anger and that encouraged me. Here’s the thing. Yes, I have made mistakes, and so have you, that is not the issue. The issue really is this; can we learn from them? Don’t fly off the handle when your kids do something wrong, be slow to anger and deal with the situation!
4. ABOUNDING IN LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS
Here’s the thing, I know my heavenly Father loves me and I also know that He is faithful, that what He has promised me He is more than able to bring to pass. In fact, God abounds in these qualities! Remember what Jesus said in John 3:16-17, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved.” Also, we are told by Paul in I Thessalonians 5:23-24, “Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul, and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.”
The love here is unconditional love, that is how our heavenly Father loves us and that is how we are to love our children. God does not tear up our adoption papers when we do something wrong and the same should be true of our children, they are part of our family.
In regards to faithfulness, do what you promise your children, and if you can’t, tell them why. But let your children see that you are faithful in your words, what you say you will do!
5. MAINTAINING LOVE TO THOUSANDS
A rabbi said that this verse is better translated, “maintaining love to the thousands generations.” In other words, our heavenly Father’s love for us keeps going and going and going. It never stops. Do our children feel that way about our love, they should!
6. FORGIVING WICKEDNESS, REBELLION AND SIN
The idea of forgiving wickedness, rebellion, sin is hard for some to handle. But this phrase is a Hebrew idiom that means, “All sins. All types and manner of sins.” That should cover it. The idea here is that in this forgiveness we see love and mercy in action! Now we know this is true if we are in Christ, that His blood will cover us and cleanse us from all our sins, but how does this relate to our children?
I think the idea here is this. Can you forgive your children as they are sorry for what they did, the wrong they were involved in or will you hold a grudge; will anger rule your life? If you can’t let go then your love and mercy have no legs to walk, no legs to even stand upon! You see, our God forgives us, in fact He has cast our sins as far as the east is from the west to be remembered no more! Holding onto unforgiveness will only hurt you, it won’t help you and it will be a wall of separation between you and your children!
It is not easy men, but God will equip you to be the husband, the father, the spiritual leader of the family that He wants you to be, that is not the issue. The issue is are you willing to obey and follow His path that He has set for you? The choice is yours.
This morning I am going to challenge not only the father’s here, but everyone of you from the Sunday School to the adults. The Bible tells us that, “So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17. Thus, if we want to grow, if we want our faith to grow we need to hear God’s Word and apply it to our lives!
Here is the challenge. The ministry of Faith Comes By Hearing, Hosanna has sent to us the New Testament on CD, it is in a MP3 format. Starting July 8th and for the next 40 days, ending on Thursday, August 16th I am challenging you to be the spiritual leader in the family and to spend 30 minutes an evening listening to God’s Word. At the end of 40 days, you will have been through the entire New Testament! I want to do this as a body of believers here at Calvary Chapel; I believe it is that important. Just 30 minutes of your time listening to God’s Word!
Now if you have young children, ages from around 4 to 12, we have Kidz Bible on CD for you that cover the entire Bible with stories and songs. Thus, not only take the time for you, your wife and older children, but for your young children too!
It is a challenge to you on this Father’s Day to lead your family in the things of God. I realize this seems like a lot of time; 30 minutes a day, but how much time do you take to watch TV, participating in sporting events or whatever! God’s Word is living and powerful and can transform lives, but we must make the effort to partake of it. Thus, after the study this morning, I will be handing out a CD to every one of you to listen to and for your children also, and what a blessing I believe this will be!
We have seen this morning what our heavenly Father is like and what He desires us, earthly father’s to be like with our children, with our families. We are to be COMPASSIONATE; GRACIOUS; SLOW TO ANGER; ABOUNDING IN LOVE AND FAITHFULNESS; MAINTAINING LOVE TO THE THOUSANDS or MAINTAINING LOVE TO THE THOUSANDS GENERATIONS; FORGIVING WICKEDNESS, REBELLION AND SIN. If we truly want to please the Father, may we follow His pattern that He has given to us. And notice I did not speak of the results of our actions, but really this is about faithfulness. But I also want you to know that if you invest in your children, you will be blessed, there is great reward. You see, IT’S TIME TO BE A FATHER!
As I close this morning, let me leave you with these words from General Douglas MacArthur and a prayer he had. He wrote:
Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.
Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge. Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion, for those who fail.
Build me a son whose heart will be clean, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.
And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength.
Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”
- General Douglas MacArthur
Men, let us rise up and fulfill the role that God has for us. To be the spiritual leaders of the family, to be a father, to lead our family in the things of God and watch them grow as God transforms their lives by the power of His Word illuminated by His Spirit! Happy Father’s Day!