Happy Father’s Day to all you father’s out there this morning on this Father’s Day 2003. In the days we are living in there seems to be so much confusion about the role of the father, what he is to do, who he really is. In fact, it is so bad that two first graders were overheard as they left Sunday School saying “Do you really believe all that stuff about the Devil?” The other child replied back very confidently, “No, I think it’s like Santa Clause. It’s really your dad!” Sorry men!
But seriously, one of the problems today is the absence of the father in the home and even when he is there, he really isn’t! This morning I want to share with you what it means to be a father, how important that role is in the family and how we are to instill in our children the wisdom that God has given to us. We are going to do that by looking at King David in I Kings chapter 2 and his words to his son Solomon. Now, as you are turning there, listen to what Erma Bombeck said in regards to what a father is all about. She said:
I received a letter from a single mother who had raised a son who was about to become a dad. Since he had no recollection of his own father, her question to me was “What do I tell him a father does?”
When my dad died in my ninth year, I, too, was raised by my mother, giving rise to the same question, “What do fathers do?” As far as I could observe, they brought around the car when it rained so everyone else could stay dry.
They always took the family pictures, which is why they were never in them. They carved turkeys on Thanksgiving, kept the car gassed up, weren’t afraid to go into the basement, mowed the lawn, and tightened the clothesline to keep it from sagging.
It wasn’t until my husband and I had children that I was able to observe firsthand what a father contributed to a child’s life. What did he do to deserve his children’s respect? He rarely fed them, did anything about their sagging diapers, wiped their noses or fannies, played ball, or bonded with them under the hoods of their cars.
What did he do?
He threw them higher than his head until they were weak from laughter. He cast the deciding vote on the puppy debate. He listened more than he talked. He let them make mistakes. He allowed them to fall from their first two-wheeler without having a heart attack. He read a newspaper while they were trying to parallel park a car for the first time in preparation for their driving test.
If I had to tell someone’s son what a father really does that is important, it would be that he shows up for the job in good times and bad times. He’s a man who is constantly being observed by his children. They learn from him how to handle adversity, anger, disappointment and success.
He won’t laugh at their dreams no matter how impossible they might seem. He will dig out at 1 AM when one of his children runs out of gas. He will make unpopular decisions and stand by them. When he is wrong and makes a mistake, he will admit it. He sets the tone for how family members treat one another, members of the opposite sex and people who are different than they are. By example, he can instill a desire to give something back to the community when its needs are greater than theirs.
But mostly, a good father involves himself in his kid’s lives. The more responsibility he has for a child, the harder it is to walk out of his life.
A father has the potential to be a powerful force in the life of a child. Grab it! Maybe you’ll get a greeting card for your efforts. Maybe not. But it’s steady work.
-Erma Bombeck, Field Enterprises
How important those things are, that you are there for your children, that you love them and are willing to make those tough decisions when discipline needs to be handed out. You love your wife and your children recognize that! These are very important and yet, as you read through those words that Erma Bombeck wrote there is one thing that is missing from that list that I think is even more important. In fact, I think it is from this that these other things flow from. I think one of the most important things a father can be is the spiritual leader of the family. That is what we will see in I Kings chapter 2 as David is passing on to his son, Solomon, the things of God, which we should be doing with our children. So with that said, let’s begin reading in I Kings chapter 2 starting in verse 1 and see what the Lord has for us on this Father’s Day 2003!
David is now old, he sees his life coming to an end, and thus, he wants to impart to his son Solomon some words to encourage him and help him on his journey as he is now going to be the king of Israel, he is going to lead the people. The word “charged” in verse 1 speaks of making firm or establishing himself in these things. In other words, Solomon is going to have a choice to make here but David is admonishing him to make his heart firm in these things, not to be swayed or distracted from the things of God because he will need the wisdom of God to lead this nation, to lead these people.
David continues on by saying that his life is coming to an end, just like what will happen to all people, and thus, be strong, don’t give up, fight the good fight and prove yourself a man. Now what does that mean? Growing up that meant that I would beat the snot out of you if you didn’t watch it because I am a man! Obviously that is not the correct way to look at this nor is that the solution to our problems.
I believe what David is saying here or admonishing Solomon here is to be a man, be all that God intended him to be, to manifest the qualities of being a godly man, of being the spiritual leader of his family. Too often what we see today is the woman is the spiritual head of the family and the man is along for the ride. Men, if that is how your family is, you need to get your house in order. I am not saying that you need to become a dictator, as some are, but a leader that leads by example. A leader that helps his family grow in the Lord. A leader that keeps his family pure by the washing of the water of Word of God, by going through the Word of God with them.
David goes on to say in verse 3 that he is to “. . . keep the charge of the LORD your God . . .” or to guard, to protect, and to preserve the things of God not only for his own life but that he could also pass these things on to his children. You see, if the Lord is not important to you, that is what you are passing on to your children. Do other things get in the way of your relationship with the Lord; are they more important to you? Be careful, your children are watching and learning and they too will come up with all kinds of reasons why they can’t go to church and they will sound very familiar to you. As a father we are to guard, we are to direct and we are to preserve the things of God for our children to see in us that they too may walk in them!
He goes on to say “. . . to walk in His ways . . .” David is saying that this is a lifestyle; it is the way you live. You don’t put on a mask of Christianity because it is Sunday, your children will see right through that. You see, Christianity is a way of life; it is what flows from us everyday, in good times and bad times, when things are going well and when things are not going well. And I will tell you this, what your children learn is mostly caught and not taught, if you are not living what you are saying, it will be meaningless to them. As you are going through those tough times, those difficult times, how do you handle them? You see, your children are watching and they are learning. They will see how real your faith really is!
David continues on by saying we are to keep His statutes,
His commandments, His judgments, His testimonies, we are to walk
in the things of God, we are to grow in the knowledge of our Lord
and Savior Jesus Christ. Now you may be thinking this is very legalistic,
to do all these things.
Let me put it in a different light, listen to what Jesus
said because I think this is the reason we do these things.
In Matthew 22:37-38 we are told, “. . . ‘You
shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your
soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and
great commandment.”
What is the motivation behind what we do? Is it the Law? No, it is love! You see, love needs to be the driving force in doing these things, that you love the Lord so much that you desire to live a life surrendered unto Him, obeying His voice, living what you believe and loving the Lord with your entire being!
Now men, we are not perfect, and the women said “AMEN!” God understands that, the thing is how serious are you about being the spiritual head of your family, in teaching your children the things of God? You need to be and if your are not the spiritual head of your family, if you are not helping to teach your children the things of God, then ask God to help you in this area, He hasn’t given up and neither should you!
Let me share with you a few Proverbs to show you how important
fathers are, and men, I am talking to you, and if you are not
a father yet, pay attention, it will help you when you are.
In Proverbs 4:1-6 Solomon said, “Hear, my children,
the instruction of a father, And give attention to know understanding;
For I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law. When I was my father's
son, Tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, He also
taught me, and said to me: ‘Let your heart retain my words;
Keep my commands, and live. Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn
away from the words of my mouth.
Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her,
and she will keep you.’”
Yes it is important to teach our children how to catch a fly ball, to make a basket, to play soccer, to drive a car and-so-on. But it is even more important to have them catch and hold onto your words of wisdom because you are walking with the Lord. Solomon was instructing his children by explaining how he listened to the words of his father, David, as a child! And once you have this wisdom, hold onto it for it will keep you safe, it will protect you from making foolish decisions. Think about it men, all the things your dad told you and then, you didn’t listen and look at the lesson you had to learn the hard way because you didn’t listen to your father. Kids, listen to your fathers. You may think they are out of it, that they don’t know anything, but believe me, we have been there, we have done that, and we are telling you, don’t do it, or if it is a good thing, to do it!
In Proverbs 10:12 we are told, “Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins.” Men, our children are not perfect, just as we are not perfect, as hard as that is to believe. In all your failures, God still loves you and thus, we are to love our children with that same kind of love. That doesn’t mean we accept their sin, but we love them unconditionally, and, at times, that can be very difficult, but how important it is for a child to know that you love them!
In Proverbs 23:26-28 Solomon says, “My son, give me your heart, And let your eyes observe my ways. For a harlot is a deep pit, And a seductress is a narrow well. She also lies in wait as for a victim, And increases the unfaithful among men.” Yes, men, we need to warn our children about the evil that is out there and to share with them the beauty of sex and love within the bonds of marriage. Sex is not evil as some may make you think, it is not bad, but Satan has perverted it and now when people talk of love they think it is sex and it is not. We need to teach our children what true love is all about and how God has given us this gift of intimacy with our spouse to enjoy! The other thing is we, as husbands, need to make sure our children know that we love our wife, that they see that and will learn what a husband and wife relationship is all about.
Also, in Proverbs 1:10-19 we are told, “My son,
if sinners entice you, Do not consent.
If they say, ‘Come with us, Let us lie in wait to
shed blood; Let us lurk secretly for the innocent without cause;
Let us swallow them alive like Sheol, And whole, like those who
go down to the Pit; We shall find all kinds of precious possessions,
We shall fill our houses with spoil; Cast in your lot among us,
Let us all have one purse’ -- My son, do not walk in the
way with them, Keep your foot from their path; For their feet
run to evil, And they make haste to shed blood. Surely, in vain the net
is spread In the sight of any bird; But they lie in wait for their
own blood, They lurk secretly for their own lives.
So are the ways of everyone who is greedy for gain; It
takes away the life of its owners.”
In other words, warn your children about traveling down this path that leads to destruction. Don’t be a follower but be a leader! Don’t let people or so-called friends entice you into doing something that is evil. These things seem so obvious to us but they may not be to your children and like us, we do need to be reminded from time-to-time!
There are more that we can go through but the last one I want to look at is from Proverbs 1:7-9, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge, But fools despise wisdom and instruction. My son, hear the instruction of your father, And do not forsake the law of your mother; For they will be a graceful ornament on your head, And chains about your neck.”
It all begins here with the fear of the Lord. Our children should be taught to respect and honor the Lord. We have that movie coming out “Bruce Almighty” where the lead actor plays God and the things that he does are not honoring to God but they are blasphemous! Here we see Solomon admonish his son to listen to his words, don’t forsake them and they will be a blessing to your life. Why is that so? Because they are the things of God and you can’t go wrong by walking in the things of God and instilling them into your children, to have a fear of the Lord, a reverential fear and if you don’t know Him, then you should have a fear of the judgment that is to come!
As a father, as a parent, that is one of the hardest things to watch your children do, make bad decisions. I am sure God feels the same way with some of the decisions we make, not that He loves us any less, but the hurt, the pain, watching us go down that path. Hopefully they will learn from their mistakes and we should too and grow, but the choice is theirs and when they continue down that path it can be very difficult. Just love them and pray for them and don’t condone their sin!
Back in I Kings chapter 2, David goes on to say that Solomon does have a choice to make in these things, but if you or your sons turn from God, then those blessings will turn to cursings. Moses, at the end of his life said in Deuteronomy 30:19-20, “I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”
God has placed that before each of us, life or death, choices we have to make, and that is true for our children and as father’s we need to show them the choices they have and what will come as they obey the Lord and what will come as they reject Him. You see, life is found in Christ, and death is found out of Christ. There are blessings that we receive in Christ and there are cursings found outside of Christ. It does remain our choice, we do have a free will, but tragically, many make the wrong choice and choose death!
Look at Solomon, he was instructed by his father and yet, for the majority of his life he lived in rebellion against God. And once Solomon turned from the Lord he tried to fill that void, that emptiness with all kinds of things. He had wealth, had had homes, he had possessions, he had a kingdom, he had 700 wives and 300 concubines, he wrote books on many things, he wrote some Psalms and Proverbs, he multiplied horses even going down to Egypt to get some of them and selling them. And in all that, it still was not enough, it still did not satisfy and it wasn’t till the end of his life that Solomon saw all these earthly things could never satisfy, only the Lord could fill that void that was in his heart, in his life, and in Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 he said, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man's all. For God will bring every work into judgment, Including every secret thing, Whether good or evil.”
Dad’s, you can be the best father, you can teach your children the things of God, they can see God in your life working powerfully, you can warn them of the dangers and I can’t guarantee that they will follow the Lord! “What? How can that be? How can you say that? If that is true, then what is the point?”
First of all, the reason I can say that is simple. As a pastor over this congregation for the past 8 years I have instilled in you the Word of God, the Scriptures but that doesn’t mean you will follow them, you will love the Lord. Why is that? Because you have a free will, a choice to make, and as hard as that may be on me, it is still up to you. I can’t force you to live a certain way nor do I want to. I want the Holy Spirit to do it because He does a much better job than I could ever do! As a pastor, all I can do is teach you these things, live these things, let you see these things in my life, and then it is up to you on what you want to do with them!
The same is true with our children. They have choices to make and hopefully they will make the right ones, but even if they don’t, don’t give up, look at Solomon and how long it took him to turn back to the Lord. Remember what Solomon said in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” The Living Bible puts this verse like this, “Teach a child to choose the right path, and when he is older, he will remain upon it.” Don’t stop instilling these things, the things of God into your children’s lives, it is that important!
You see, there is a battle that is going on out there for our children, for our families and father’s, as the spiritual leader of the family we need to be involved in protecting them, watching out for them, watching over them from being swept away by the enemy!
In the book of Nehemiah, as the children of Israel returned home from the Babylonian captivity, at least some of them did, the attack against them began. They were rebuilding the walls to the city for protection and Sanballat and Tobiah began to ridicule them, mock them, and try to get them to stop the work.
When that didn’t work there was the threat of attack from Sanballat, Tobiah, the Arabs and the Ammonites. But that didn’t work and as they Jews looked at all the work that needed to be done, discouragement began to set in. Satan will use anything he can to stop the work! What did Nehemiah do? In Nehemiah 4:13-14 we are told, “Therefore I positioned men behind the lower parts of the wall, at the openings; and I set the people according to their families, with their swords, their spears, and their bows. And I looked, and arose and said to the nobles, to the leaders, and to the rest of the people, ‘Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.’”
With that encouragement the walls were rebuilt in record time, only fifty-two days, and the people of God had the protection of these walls from the enemy. Men, here it is, you need to protect and build up the walls of protection around your family. Don’t let your family get involved in destructive things but you lead your family in the things of God. You are the one to say “YES!” or “NO!” And as Nehemiah said, “. . . ‘Do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, great and awesome, and fight for your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your houses.’” Fight for your families, don’t give up because God is on your side and He will see you through it all. Rest in those promises of God and don’t become discouraged in the battle or let the enemy distract you or cause you to give up!
Father’s, thank you for the time, the energy, the love you have given to your children, and please, no matter how difficult it may seem, no matter how intense the battle is, don’t give up, keep forging ahead for your family, it is that important!
As I close this morning let me share with you this true story from the Olympic Games that goes like this:
One of the most powerful stories in the history of the Olympic Games involved a canoeing specialist named Bill Havens. He was a shoe-in, I’m told, to win a gold medal in the 1924 Olympic Games in Paris. But a few months before the Games were held, he learned that his wife would likely give birth to their first child while he was away. She told him that she could make it on her own, but this was a milestone Bill just didn’t want to miss. So he surprised everyone and stayed home. Bill greeted his infant son, Frank, into the world on August 1, 1924. Though he always wondered what might have been, he said he never regretted his decision.
Well, he poured his life into that little lad and shared with him a love for the rapids. Twenty-four years passed, and the Olympic Games were held in Helsinki, Finland. This time Frank Havens was chosen to compete in the canoeing event. The day after the competition, Bill received a telegram from his son that read:
“Dear Dad, Thanks for waiting around for me to be born in 1924. I’m coming home with the gold medal that you should have won.” It was signed, “Your loving son, Frank.”
Many would question Bill Haven’s decision to miss his big opportunity in Paris, but he never wavered. He wanted his family to know that they always came first, no matter what. And that made him a hero to a little boy named Frank.
- Dr. James Dobson, Coming Home, Timeless Wisdom for Families, pp. 140-141
Men, you have no idea the impact you have on your children. What is important to you will be important to them, and may it be the Lord! It is as David said in I Kings 2:2-4, “I go the way of all the earth; be strong, therefore, and prove yourself a man. And keep the charge of the LORD your God: to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, His commandments, His judgments, and His testimonies, as it is written in the Law of Moses, that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn; that the LORD may fulfill His word which He spoke concerning me, saying, ‘If your sons take heed to their way, to walk before Me in truth with all their heart and with all their soul,’ He said, ‘you shall not lack a man on the throne of Israel.’”
May you do those things, may you give them a godly example to follow after admonishing them to fear the Lord and walk in His ways. May God richly bless you, strengthen you, encourage you in the work that is before you and with His help; you can do all things through Christ Jesus our Lord! Never give up, never let the enemy tear down those walls of protection and as Paul said, I will leave you with, “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.” I Corinthians 15:58.